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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Famous Quotes & Quotations By Ambrose Bierce:

A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Prejudice.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: College.

Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary - Category: College.

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 - Category: Teenagers.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Epigrams - Category: Philosophy.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Bores.

Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary - Category: Thinking.

Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Alcohol.

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Childhood.

Commerce, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Cynic's World Book, 1906 - Category: Business.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
~ Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary Quotes - Category: Politics.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary - Category: Business.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
~ Ambrose Bierce, Quotes The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 - Category: Debt.

Dentist: A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Dental.

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Crime, Excuses.

Edible, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Excuses.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary - Category: Vegitarians.

Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary - Category: Happiness, Misery.

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes, The Devil's Dictionary - Category: Technology.

Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.
~ Ambrose Bierce, Quotes The Devil's Dictionary - Category: Freedom.

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Logic.

Mammalia, A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Society.

Mammon, n. The god of the world's leading religion.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Money.

Marriage, n: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Marriage.

Multitude, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration. "In a multitude of consellors there is wisdom," saith the proverb. If many men of equal individual wisdom are wiser than any one of them, it must be that they acquire the excess of wisdom by the mere act of getting together. Whence comes it? Obviously from nowhere - as well say that a range of mountains is higher than the single mountains composing it. A multitude is as wise as its wisest member if it obey him; if not, it is no wiser than its most foolish."
~ Ambrose Bierce Quotes - Category: Adoration.

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